ANJUM IBRAHIM

What is your profession?

“Have you read the book how to make friends and influence people?”

“In my profession I don’t need to.”

“That’s a tad arrogant, isn’t it? What is your profession? A mafia head?”

“I am a practicing politician in Pakistan.”

“I thought as a politician reading this book would be critical and…”

“I, like my other colleagues big and small, know how to make friends and influence people my friend.”

“Big and small? And do explain.”

“Pakistani politicians are part of a well-defined organizational pyramid. One person at the top and everyone else in between and if you are to do well you must know where you are placed in that pyramid. See sometimes someone thinks he or she is at a higher level in the pyramid than is the case and he/she would then be either kicked out or kicked down depending on the extent of the transgression…”

“I see, and why do you reckon you don’t need to learn any lessons about how to make friends and influence people?”

“The key or shall I say the only key is money and the higher up in the pyramid you are the less you have to spend on ensuring your place in the pyramid. Take the case of a party leader? How much do you think they spend on keeping their position? Zilch my friend and if they want to ensure that constituencies vote for them in future they spend public money to ensure that.”

“But in our country there are also the electables, those who whichever party they go to will be elected because of tribal or baradari connections and…”

“I see, and the party leaders can attract them by offering a position that is higher up in the pyramid?”

“Precisely and you know how you get these electables to join your party? Offer them lucrative positions and God bless Mian sahib and his vision 2018…”

“Its vision 2025.”

“Nope, these days all visions are 2018 but Mian sahib’s most recent vision was to select 21 or is it 22 parliamentarians’ and send them abroad at the taxpayers’ expense to give the world our version of Indian atrocities in Kashmir and…”

“But these are untrained people and which media in the world would bother to cover these non entities in foreign lands and…”

“We are talking making friends and influencing people in this country you silly not those abroad.”

“I stand corrected.”