ANJUM IBRAHIM

Zardari sahib is back from Dubai

“Aik Zardari sub pay bhari…I suppose translated it means Zardari is heavier than anyone else though in actual fact I reckon he is the lightest weight-wise…”

“Excuse me, I am not one of those who says that the letter G is the source of all the woes of this hapless country and by G, I mean Generals, Gudiciary and…”

“Judiciary is spelt with a J.”

“You say tomato the US way and I say tomaato the British way.”

“Well, as always your defence is weak — the difference is in the spelling not in the pronunciation — is that too subtle for you my friend?”

“No, it isn’t and what if the specific name of the offending or its polar opposite upright general or the member of the judiciary has the magic letter ain let’s say, the 24th letter of the Urdu alphabet, much beloved in Banigala.”

“Don’t be facetious, Zardari sahib is back from Dubai and I would like to tell The Khan that Zardari sahib does not play cricket, with or without neutral umpires, but plays the game of chess and I have it on good authority that in the Pervez Elahi-Hamza Shehbaz saga the verdict by the court is not being viewed as check mate by Zardari sahib, just the placement of the Queen in an advantageous position for the Khan…”

“The Queen is the most powerful piece, it can move to say Dubai, Pakpatan, Lahore…”

“Stop immediately.”

“Sorry, so who is the Queen?”

“The Queen as the children’s ditty says is in the parlour eating bread and honey.”

“Couldn’t be a Pakistani Queen with no meat or chicken or fish or…”

“Don’t be facetious, but moves have become limited in the game of chess — I mean Zardari sahib…”

“That’s when the game becomes interesting. But I ask again who is the Queen? Not Maryam Nawaz – she remains the princess most likely to inherit. And her trainer Parveen Rashid is the wrong sex…”

“The keyboard dumb ass.”

“I am just going to the market, so if the Queen is not Maryam or her trainer, or the Man Without a Portfolio or…”

“The Queen is no longer with us which is why the state of Pakistan is so rudderless.”

“But who is the Queen – Benazir Bhutto was assassinated, Kulsoom Nawaz is no more, The Third Wife is reportedly in Dubai….”

“And then there was none.”